Top 10 Reasons Why You Should Give Me Money

$SevenHelleven

 

1. Thanks to the evils of capitalism, money is needed to procure goods and services.

Ugh! Capitalism! More like CRAPitalism, right? Elon Musk can suckle my furry little nutsack.

2. I will spend the money on drugs and alcohol, which are the goods I require.

Sobriety is for losers and Christians. Eww. Nobody likes a loser.

3. I may also pay a sex worker for services including but not limited to sex.

Sex workers are the only honest workers left in the American economy. A percentage of every donation will benefit this much-loved community.

4. Giving people money is an easy way to stay out of Hell.

You, know… if you believe in that sort of thing.

5. If you bought one less case of Whip-Its this month, you could give me $40.

And as an added bonus, you’ll slightly delay your eventual stroke!

6. I am not getting paid for this shit, and thinking of 10 of anything is hard.

When I started this shit, I was all, “Yay! I’m like Buzzfeed! I’ll put pictures on each one too!” Fuck that shit.

7. I will make a BigBite model of the Parthenon and smother it in cheeze sauce to make a diorama about the Greek economy.

Please, I’ve been wanting to do this for a while.

8. Studies have shown that donating money makes your dick and/or tits twice as big, and everybody loves big dicks ‘n’ tits.

Dicks ‘n’ tits! Dicks ‘n’ tits! I love big, thick dicks ‘n’ tits!

9. If you give me $20 I’ll eat out your asshole.

Nom nom nom.

10. If you give me $50 I won’t use my teeth.

CashApp: $SevenHelleven

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